And So Can YOU!!

**This is the first of what will be many posts that I am copying over from my old blog at http://yummyjessicake.blogspot.com . I'm in the process of making this my one and only blog, and I want to hold on to some of these posts. Plus, you may enjoy them!**

**This particular post was written on November 13th, 2007**

I am currently trying to listen to the conference talks that I missed this October. I recently got to listening to the much-talked-about talk "Mothers Who Know" by Julie Beck. If you haven't heard it, you can read it there to know what it's about. I don't really feel like getting in to how I felt about it and all that jazz, but I will admit that as I listened to it, I was reminded of this portion of I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert (funny book, by the way).

"The mother-child bond is a fragile thing. That's why I didn't let my mom out of my sight until two years after I married. Buy while time apart is hard on the kids, it's devastating for Mom. There's something I call "The Maternal Instinct." It's a natural part of every female from the paramecium all the way up to our female human woman. Females need to nurture constantly, so they hate any time alone where they are left to think, shower, or sleep. For a Mom to be happy, every moment away from her children must be filled with the soul-wrenching thought, "Am I a bad mother?"

The answer to that question is a resounding "Yes." Scientists have proven, one assumes, that every flaw in a child can be traced back to a mistake made by the mother. As adults we're all imperfect, so that means all mothers are incompetent. But some mothers are worse than others. Take women who work. I don't care if it's CEO of a major corporation or three hours a week as a teacher's aide, if you work outside the home, you might as well bring coconut arsenic squares to the school bake sale.

A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren't. A messy home sends a coded message to children: "I'm not loveable. Otherwise Mom would dust."

A good mother cooks, cleans, drives, organizes charity events so her children earn community service points for college, and expects nothing in return except love and breakfast in bed one day a year.

So, a word to all you Femin-Idi-Amins: Stop "liberating" moms by trying to make them join the workforce. They're already doing the job that God put them here to do: Everything."

That's what I was reminded of while I listened ot that talk. The big difference is that he is a comedian, not a speaker at General Conference.